The Way of the Brilliant Flirt


Brilliant advice on dating, flirting, sex and self-realisation designed to make you shine

Racked: How to Dress Like a Brillant Flirt This Weekend

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Recently, the authors of Smitten: The Way of the Brilliant Flirt stopped by Bucktown’s Edith Hart boutique to spread their lash-batting gospel to the ladies of Chicago. Authors Ariel Kiley and Simone Kornfeld helped customers find the ultimate looks for summery date nights. And in case you missed it, we got a few snaps of the flirty looks. Take a peek at the gallery below, and check out the links for buying info.

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Smitten authors Simone Kornfeld and Ariel Kiley wear Wildfox’s Cassidy tanks, $71 each.

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By Keepsake the Label, this Begin Again top, $135, has a romantic-but-relaxed style. Pair it with the Elise chiffon skirt, $66, and the C/Fan green envelope clutch, on sale for $50.

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Simone gets hoop-y in mixed-metal hoop earrings, $42

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By Honey Punch, this cute Floral Ruffle Romper is just $52

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For another cute floral look, try slip on Tigerlilly’s Renaissance Floral onesie(left), $198

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Simone sports Paper Crown’s Pier Skirt, $194. The sunset hues make this perfect for sunset cocktails, right?

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Zoosk: 3 Ways To Make Him Smitten on the First Date

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Looking forward to meeting your favorite match for dinner and drinks? Dazzle him with your confidence and self awareness. Although you have everything you need to make the best impression, the authors of Smitten: The Way of the Brilliant Flirt, have 3 Secrets that will help you make the most memorable first date imaginable.

1) Be Decisive and Upstanding

Whenever we ask our male cohorts what they think the sexiest attribute in a woman is, they always say the same thing–confidence. Let your confidence show by conveying what you want. Don’t expect the man to make all the date decisions, saying “I don’t know” when you really do. Don’t try squeezing yourself into an agreeable ball of mush. Agreeable balls of mush don’t make solid first impressions. Stand out by carrying yourself with confidence–this means making clear decisions and behaving with integrity.

If you want to make him truly smitten with you, show your confidence by suggesting a great sushi spot, looking him in the eye as he picks up the check, assertively going in for a smooch, or sending a sweet thank-you text in the morning. Remember, do this regardless of whether your date responds in kind. Always uphold your social standards of grace and integrity.

2) Be Completely Present with Him

Get to know the real live three-dimensional man in front of you. Don’t let yourself obsess about whether or not he likes you. Instead, focus on him. If you want to leave a lasting impression, earnestly connect with your date. When you look at him, don’t just superficially evaluate him for his breeder-potential, really see him.

When beginning to converse, stay away from the usual topics. Instead, ask a quirky question to inspire a personal response. When he answers, really listen to the nuances of the response instead of just giggling and agreeing. Don’t just spend the evening evaluating how he measures up to your needs, beliefs, hopes, and wishes.

3) Express your Enthusiasm

Step it up a notch by not just showing your enthusiasm for the environment, but also your excitement for him. So many women tell us they are fearful of doing this because they want to seem “cool” and “unaffected”. Boring. To be able to say “I’m having so much fun on this date, I’m so glad we met” or “You’re so uniquely intelligent – it’s really attractive,” takes courage and shows real confidence. You’re not waiting to be “liked” first. You don’t need his approval to reveal how you feel. Having this level of confidence is damn sexy. And very rare.

To make him smitten, you must bring yourself fully: your integrity, your clarity, your curiosity, your enthusiasm, and your joy. Don’t wait to see what he seems to like or dislike and then adjust. Show your true self. If he’s not a fan, forget him; he’s not your guy. Don’t force it. Instead, continue living your awesome life, perusing profiles and setting up the next date with the guy who is.

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He’s clearly really into me, but says he’s not ready for anything serious. What do I do?

Hi Ladies,
I met someone about six months ago, we hit it off, had major chemistry, and verbalized all of our feelings from the get go.His words and actions demonstrated that he was VERY into me. He did have a lot of baggage– a child,an ex-wife, and a very demanding job. Long story short, he freaked out and realized things were moving way too quickly for him (which by the way were moved at this pace by him). I was so SURE that it would turn into a relationship, but I was so wrong. It is hard for me to trust my gut now. I know that I had a hand in this by pursuing someone who was not fully available and thus being able to keep my walls up at the same time, but I was willing to take the risk. I have dated other guys since but still can’t get him out of my head/heart. We have recently started communicating again, but he has made it pretty clear that although he is still into me, he just isn’t ready for something serious. Is this really it? Would it be different if he were the right person? I know I probably need to move on but I keep holding on to how strongly we felt at the beginning. Where do I go from here?

This Sucks. This sucks this sucks this suuuuuuuuucks. Did we mention how much this sucks? We know this sucks with total confidence because we are
currently going through almost the exact same scenario. (More precisely, Simone is going through it, and Ariel mine as well be too because she’s obligated to
continually listen, analyze and console throughout the process. That’s what besties are for!).

What blows is that there is clearly a deep connection between you two. That isn’t always easy to find. Yet something in him is resistant to prioritizing and nurturing that connection. The kids, ex and job of course play a part in his resistances, but we suspect that this is more of a psychological and emotional issue rather than a circumstantial one. These blocks typically don’t show themselves in the early phases. But at some point—usually when confronted with the possibility of deeper intimacy and vulnerability—they tend to rear their ugly heads. Unfortunately, there is absolutely nothing you can do about this. It’s not your fault and it’s not personal. He will have to do his own work to overcome whatever issues he has around relationship. The bottom line for you is that he’s not ready. You can’t change that. It sucks so hard, but you have to let him go.

The process for actually doing this can be a real bitch. There are a few methods that can help: Communicate clearly: Next time you talk let him know how you’re really truly feeling. Don’t pretend you are okay with just a tiny bit of connection if you aren’t. If you still feel love for him you can absolutely tell him. Let him know how his leaving felt, and the process you are in now. Give him clear information so you know your side of the street is clean. This will help you move on.

Energetic Visualization: If you’re constantly thinking of him, practice severing your energetic connection. Whenever he pops into your mind, imagine his image in pink light and then let him float away like a cloud from your energy field. This way you are sending him on with love (pink light) but not attaching to him. You may have to do this a hundred times a day. Eventually, it will be less and less. This practice is not out of malice for him (he’s not a bad guy, just limited) but out of love and care for yourself.

Distracting: Keep distracting yourself with other romances. We know they may all feel flat at first, but it’s important to continue to have sexy flirty experiences as you process this loss. Indulge in your beauty, your sensual body, and your magnetic spirit. Let other men remind you how awesome and how desirable you truly are. You may not settle on any of them or you may meet your next romantic partner. Either way the point is to keep providing yourself with experiences that reinforce the message that this guy is not the only fish in the sea, you are eternally lovable and desirable, and it’s actually really fun to be free and unattached. One day you won’t be, but for now, keep reveling in the freedom, adventure and spontaneity singlehood gives you.

Trust and Faith: Remember that you don’t yet know the meaning of this affair. That information hasn’t yet been revealed. It can only become clear over time. Continue to trust in Divine Timing—the principal that states all events happen in perfect time, even if we can’t see the meaning. Things fall into place or fall away according to a divine plan. The best thing we can do is to trust the ride and walk through the doors that are opening, and walk away from the doors that shut, knowing that it’s all going to be very much okay, no matter what happens.

In terms of your gut, don’t be too quick to dismiss it. You were lead to this man for a reason. He is a teacher for you. Even if the lesson is still murky and painful, it still has some important meaning. Again, you don’t know what the meaning is yet. Trust that it will eventually become clear.

And lastly, know that you will fall in love again. You will. You will. You will. That is absolutely true. You have love in your heart to give. It’s impossible that that love will not attract more love. There is an unbending energetic principal that states “like attracts like”. So when you feel pain, let yourself feel it and then move on to sensing and seeing that beautiful glow of love in your heart. Send it out into the space around you and let it be the beacon that brings you your next romantic adventure. It will happen. We know it. Trust us. Trust yourself. You’re right on course.

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Better TV: Do You Want To Know Some Great Flirting Tips?

We sat down with Better TV hosts JD Roberto and Rebecca Budig, to talk about some of the amazing flirting tips from our book Smitten: They Way of The Brilliant Flirt.

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About the Book



Finally, an empowering dating book for every woman who wants to have fun, express her opinions, and keep it real. In Smitten, Ariel Kiley and Simone Kornfeld show how to let your unique self shine so you can become a blissfully enlightened man-magnet. After all, you’re already a smart, joyful, intelligent woman. Why not honor those attributes to attract the men you desire?

With tips on how to perfect the look of a flirt, build confidence, and let your true self emerge, Smitten teaches you that being exactly who you are will get you what you want-whether it’s a smile across the room, a first date, or long-term love. So go ahead, belt out the lyrics to your favorite pop song. Soon enough, you’ll be turning heads, and causing men to become completely, absolutely, entirely, downright smitten.



The Authors




Ariel Kiley and Simone Kornfeld have been best buds for just about 15 years. Given that their Zodiac signs are 180 degrees apart (Ariel a Taurus and Simone a Scorpio), and that this positioning is ideal for lasting relationship, they feel their camaraderie was written in the stars.

Through many adventures over these years, they’ve come to appreciate each other’s strong points… and not so strong points. When stranded on the streets of an unknown city and Ariel still can’t seem to figure out which direction is north from the map, Simone is there to give it a quick glance and guide the team in the right direction. When Simone is having an emotional meltdown because rain clouds have absolutely ruined their Caribbean vacation, Ariel is there to point out the hidden potential in a sunless holiday and help the team ride out the waves of deep disappointment.

Where one falters, the other excels, and it is exactly this balanced dynamic that gives their friendship true dimension and perspective. Plus, they both really like to rock out on the dance floor. What more could one reasonably ask for from a star-fated cosmic comradeship?

Ariel is a yoga and meditation teacher in Manhattan and Brooklyn. Simone is a Manhattan-based psychotherapist treating adults and adolescents.

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Buy Now At:


Chronicle Books

Barnes & Noble






“Learn the Art of the Flirt with Smitten, The Way of the Brilliant Flirt”




“5 Flirtation Strategies to Help You Bounce Back from a Nasty Breakup”



“Playbook Episode 28: Chapter 169: The Art Of Flirting”



Get your Flirt on for Valentine’s Day



“The Best Ways for Singles to Romance the Pants Off Valentine’s Day”


8 Ways To Rock Your Own World On Valentine’s Day

“Be Patient, Be Discreet: The Dos and Don’ts Of A Successful Office Hook Up”



“Fab 5: Entertainment Picks This Week”



“Flirting is Big Business in Big Apple”



Huffington Post
“10 Summer of Sexy Flirtation Tips”




NY Daily News
“New Flirting Guide ‘Smitten’s’ Advice put to the Test




The Boston Globe
“Calling all modern day flirts, flings, and fellow romantics”



New York Press
“City Flirt”


Better Tv
“Do You Want To Know Some Great Flirting Tips?”

Flirt With Us





Brittany Walsh


Ariel Kiley


Simone Kornfeld